I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
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