So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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