she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Randomize
