tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
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