Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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