drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
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She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
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Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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