I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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