I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Man, jail baloney is awful.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
