Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
