I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Define "chronic" masturbator.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Randomize
