why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Randomize
