Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
