That's intense
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
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