she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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