I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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