i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize