Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Found the puke drawer
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
