I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
