I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
