there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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