I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
