How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
