he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
