jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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