you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
