U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
