He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
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