they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
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