piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
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