he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
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