I'm lost and stupid without you.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Randomize
