I molested 6 butterflies tonight
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
