but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
