if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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