I feel great
I just peed on a car
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Randomize
