we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
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