the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
