i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
