I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
