I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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