ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
