so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
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He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
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Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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