i already hear my dad disowning me
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Randomize
