About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
