He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Another day, another engagement, another cat
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
