I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Randomize
