you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
