She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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