Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
