finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
