masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I currently don't understand fingers.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
