Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
