good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
These 25 People Believed Fake Facts For Way Too Long
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
23 Adults Confess The Irrational Fears They Had When They Were Kids
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.