I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I wish I only lived at night.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Still dying that you shit outside
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I did not marry a roomba.
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