dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
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but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Be still, my beating vagina.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
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you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.