So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Randomize
