Texts From Last Night

• Favorite

  (705): View more from Ontario

  I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (705): I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single. http://tfl.nu/i1tx
  Replies (48) Good night (2257) Bad night (4539)
• Favorite

  (480): View more from Arizona

  This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (480): This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi http://tfl.nu/fvjc
  Replies (23) Good night (4181) Bad night (647)
• Favorite

  (864): View more from South Carolina

  After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (864): After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?! http://tfl.nu/q1jx
  Replies (17) Good night (1665) Bad night (4000)
• Favorite

  (308): View more from Nebraska

  What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (308): What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts? http://tfl.nu/w182
  Replies (21) Good night (8935) Bad night (1164)
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome. http://tfl.nu/zzpw
  Replies (25) Good night (6788) Bad night (1057)
• Favorite

  (517): View more from Michigan

  He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (517): He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time http://tfl.nu/hxad
  Replies (19) Good night (5527) Bad night (1058)
• Favorite

  (503): View more from Oregon

  I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.

  (1-503): View more from Oregon

  My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (503): I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop. (1-503): My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins. http://tfl.nu/dck1
  Replies (11) Good night (5028) Bad night (1252)
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (919): Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed. http://tfl.nu/csse
  Replies (9) Good night (3312) Bad night (1133)
• Favorite

  (323): View more from California

  What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (323): What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'? http://tfl.nu/kmm3
  Replies (10) Good night (2386) Bad night (667)
• Favorite

  (916): View more from California

  Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (916): Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home http://tfl.nu/dlwc
  Replies (3) Good night (704) Bad night (1719)
• Favorite

  (907): View more from Alaska

  I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (907): I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex. http://tfl.nu/29kt
  Replies (11) Good night (697) Bad night (1020)
• Favorite

  (281): View more from Texas

  You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (281): You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am http://tfl.nu/8gbq
  Replies (2) Good night (930) Bad night (923)
• Favorite

  (425): View more from Washington

  Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (425): Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf http://tfl.nu/epw3
  Replies (4) Good night (407) Bad night (381)
• Favorite

  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (403): painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both. http://tfl.nu/p28a
  Replies (1) Good night (675) Bad night (403)
• Favorite

  (807): View more from Ontario

  I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (807): I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off http://tfl.nu/3ozb
  Replies (0) Good night (581) Bad night (265)

Randomize