I accidentally burped into my bong.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
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