he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
