Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
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