i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
