You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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