When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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