How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
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