I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Randomize
