ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
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