I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
