the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
