no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
